We don't know what happens behind closed doors

I would find myself in public places looking and listening to other women talking while wondering and comparing myself to them.  If I were more like this woman then he would not treat me so bad  or  thinking that woman is so confidently strong there is no way she would allow herself to be treated like my husband is treating me.   I have found out that we really have no idea what happens between couples behind closed doors.

My First Post!

Ok...let me introduce myself.   My name is Debbie.  I am an abuse survivor.  For 22 years I have been married to a man that verbally abused me, hit me with his hand open (according to him that doesn't count cause he did not use his fist), he had several girlfriends, threw ice cold water on me to teach me a lesson while I was in bed or shower etc etc etc
& yet I stayed...because it wasn't all bad.  There were peaks and valleys...Highs and lows.
Plus, if I just let go of this friend or that opportunity.  Not cross him. Try harder.  Everything will be better...There will be more peaks and less valleys.
That's not how it went.